Monday, January 11, 2010

Commuter Peeves

I commute.  I usually get into the office by 5:30 AM because if I don't a 20 minute commute turns into a 45 minute to an hour commute in and worse going home.  I usually eat at my desk so I don't take an official lunch so I can leave 8 hours after I arrive.  This is in part to sneak in under the HOV lane activation time - which happens at 3.  I've been commuting nearly all my working life - there was a time I lived in downtown Portland in an apartment within walking distance of the office.  My commute was 10 minutes through a nice park.  But I digress, or regress.  Anyway on to my peeves.

1.  Left Lane Laggards:  You know who you are!  You get over in the left lane and then go slower then most people in the right lane!  Ok ok fine you don't like having people merging in, I understand, and you don't like being in the middle lane..ok.  But BUT..when you have a line of cars behind you, and people are whipping around you and cutting back in a scant centimeter in front of your plate .. wouldn't you THINK maybe about moving over, letting people pass, and then moving back over?  I mean it's not like you won't be able to get back over, all the cars will have passed you within seconds!

2.  Cell Crawlers: Not quite like the Laggards but close.   People, people people.  First of all, it's against the law in both Oregon and Washington to talk on a cell phone while driving unless it's hands free.  And, take my advice, if you have to sloooow down to a crawl so that you can talk then maybe you shouldn't have a phone at all?  Why does slowing down make it easier for you to talk?  That's kind of like turning down the radio when you're lost?  If you can't drive and talk then take the bus!  They'll drive for you!  And actually hey Laggards that goes for you too!

3. Truck Trauma:  I get it. Trucks are big, they have a lot of wheels and in Oregon they can be LONG loads (a semi pulling a trailer followed by a trailer followed by a trailer - how many wheels is that?)  Anyway, yes I understand they can be scary, but here's the deal you're prolonging the fear factor by staying side by side with said monster truck!  MOVE!  Get around them and then get over happy in the fact you've bested the monster.

4. Butt Bashers:  You guys are almost as bad as the laggards.  Yes I know you want to get where you want to get as fast as possible.  Yes I understand that, no really I do.  I'm with you on that one, just maybe not in such the rush that you are.  But let's think about this for just a second.  I have a car in front of me, I have a car beside me, I CANNOT GO ANYWHERE so why do you feel the need to nearly bash my butt?  Can you not see that I have no place to go?  

5. You're not Exiting a head of me: Sorry I couldn't think of any good alliteration for this commuter.  Let's talk for a moment shall we?  I'm not making rude comments about you, I'm not trying to defame your name, I'm not doing anything but trying to 1) get in the lane 2) merge with traffic 3) merge off the f-ing freeway.  I have given you my signal so you know this to be the case, so why do you suddenly decide that NONE SHALL PASS and you gun the engine and fly up just so I cannot do what I'm suppose to do?  This goes for you too you Yes, I know you're having to exit in the same lane I use to get on the freeway but I won't let you get a head of me - people.

Oh there are so many others, signal senile (the clicking sound is your TURN SIGNAL not the back beat to the song you're listening too), Telepathic Traveler (you know you should know I want over without me having to give a signal), and of course Last Minute Larry (No, you shouldn't have to cross 5 lanes of traffic in a single shot to get to your exit NOR should you wait until you GET to the closed lane to move over)

I could continue but I won't.  I know it's little use to rant like this because those people will never see this and if they do they'll look at it with a quizzical expression unsure what this all means - no doubt while going 20 in the left lane on the free way while talking to Uncle Mo who's front seat is in the back seat of the car in front of him while his signal blinker blinks.

Oh well.  At least I'm home, and don't have to worry about this....until tomorrow.


  1. (speaking softly) Did we have a rough commute today, hummmm? Perhaps a nice cup of hot chocolate and a rum ball will sooth the savage beast.

    Can you eat rum balls while driving, by the way?And I cannot, even in a nightmare, imagine leaving my house at 5AM to be at work at 5:30AM. Not even if I waited until I got there to change out of my jammies.

  2. Yeah I would not have thought I'd be doing it either, but you know the commute into Portland so it's either sit in traffic and breath in fumes or get up on East coast time and have a half way decent commute - idjits not withstanding :)

  3. Sounds like my daily commute - not just one bad one. :)

  4. God bless you! Commuting will make you crazy. Mine is now about 15-20 minutes - depending if the bridge is up or not. BUT for 30 years I commuted in Atlanta (AKA H*E*L*L) so I feel you, sistah! Have a herring and a cup of chamomile tea. :o)